Holding on

I have come to grips with something. Begrudgingly. It is a fact I am old, and the people I thought were old when I was young are now dying. It is sad. I am seeing so many people, myself included, who have lost a parent lately. If you are my age your parents are getting older. And the same realization is probably on your mind too.
 
Mellissa shared this video with me and it really was an emotional thing for me. The unraveling of a life and the attempt of all of us to hold on. Or to let go.

I remember saying goodbye to my dad after everyone left his viewing room. I played his favourite song on my iPhone and I talked to him. What a Wonderful World. I said goodbye, I walked out the room and slowly closed the door as I looked at him. I walked down the stairs in a sort of bewilderment, got to the bottom of the stairs where my mom waited for me. I said to my mom, sorry but I’m not done.
 
I ran back up the stairs, opened the door (he was still there), I told him I was kidding, I was not finished. I kissed him on the forehead, held his hand, and told him that he will always be with me. Then I left.
 
Today my dad’s urn lives in my basement music room. I kiss the urn goodbye most days on the way to work, and when I’m playing guitar by myself I play for him and myself.
 
He seems at home there. He was a music man. The life of the party. The guy with a burned down cigarette in the ashtray, a crazy hat on his head and a pot to play bongos on between his legs. He played the stereo on top volume, mumbled the words he knew, and stuttered about what song to play next.
 
Saying goodbye to someone you love is a life long endeavor as I have realized. Mellissa said there is no textbook to follow. There is no grieving period. It goes on. The only thing I want to do is remember.